a filmmaker calls himself Creep Creepersin, your expectations
are automatically lowered. It’s quite something, then, that
Peeping Blog still manages to disappoint.
Set up as the footage filmed by a stalker, this ‘film’
– it barely qualifies for that description – opens
with Creepersin, playing a socially inept, sexually inadequate
loser like someone born to the part, following Ariauana Albright
to a car park, parking up, watching her have a drink outside some
coffee shop and then driving home. A stickler for authenticity,
Creepersin spends about three minutes waiting at traffic lights,
longer driving round looking for a suitable parking spot and twenty
minutes in total on this dialogue-free footage. This is followed
by equally unflinching footage of him prowling her apartment (in
reality, painfully clearly Creepersin’s place), trying to
work out how to use the microwave, eating a Hot Pocket and then
hiding in a place that would not disguise his presence at all.
Albright is none too bright though, as she stands directly in
front of him on several occasions without spotting him –
the most unlikely bit of hiding in plain sight I’ve seen
since the 1980s kids TV show where the Big Bad Wolf avoided detection
by crouching in the corner with a TV arial on his head. This eats
up another twenty minutes, along side a part of your soul.
Albright’s sister shows up and the pair have a barely audible
conversation about the sister's feckless boyfriend before Albright
leaves and Creepersin kills the sister, offscreen. Then, Albright
comes home drunk and is tied up by the stalker, taunted with a
dildo and killed.
I may be misjudging Creepersin here. If his intention was to put
would-be stalkers off by showing just how tedious an occupation
it is, then full marks to him. If, however, he thought he was
making an edgy, challenging, arty or entertaining movie, then
he was sadly mistaken. This is a film in which nothing at all
happens, and takes forever to do so. Without even a modicum of
characterisation or plot to hold the interest, the film becomes
a numbing exercise in tedium. Initially intriguing on an ambient
film level perhaps – it’s hard to believe that anyone
would make a film this dull accidentally – but ultimately
tiresome. On the plus side, it does allow you to multi-task (checking
email, making food, having a phone conversation) without missing
anything… but only because nothing at all happens until
the last few minutes.
The film does at least show that you can get a passable picture
shooting on mobile phones. Shame it was wasted on such rubbish.
The DVD also features deleted scenes that I couldn’t bring
myself to watch and a self-shot ‘interview’ with Creepersin,
who is exactly what you would expect.
IT NOW (USA)